everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize