So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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