After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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