I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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