My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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