Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Enjoy the penises
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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