tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
