hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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