I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
