My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
