I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize