I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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