Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
