I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
True college students do jello shots in the library
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
