It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
