She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
