Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
