what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize