The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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