I'm really into asian looking animals
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
