Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
