I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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