so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have aggressive nipples.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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