He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
