sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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