Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
