Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
