: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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