I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
