In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
