If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
