I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize