and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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