This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
