my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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