i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
