I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
