we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
