Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
