So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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