Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
