How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
