yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
