So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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