I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
