I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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