Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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