Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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