I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
