I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
barbara walters just said penis...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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