Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
