Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
