Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
