The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
