i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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