Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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