yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize