my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
