she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
