How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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