It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
