god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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