i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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