Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
