it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
