I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
