Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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