Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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