i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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