Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His nipple licking is glorious
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