Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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